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Identity: Horse chestnuts.

History: Introduced to the UK over four centuries back.

Appearance: The outdoor world's Labubu.

That can't be accurate. Absolutely. Check out a TikTok video of someone unboxing a conker, and you’ll almost certainly hear them call it “the earth's Labubu”.

Opening up horse chestnuts? What on earth are you talking about? Oh wow, you really are out of the loop, aren’t you? Young people are using social platforms to film themselves unpeeling conkers from their spiky capsules.

But why? Due to the sense of wonder! When you open up a conker, you can't predict what you’re going to get. Could it be large? Will it be flat? How shiny will it be? It is similar to a surprise package every time!

Do Labubu dolls share those traits? No, they’re somewhat eerie dolls that have become highly sought-after because they also come in mystery boxes.

Can someone please tell the younger crowd that they are doing conkers wrong? Are they? How do you play with horse chestnuts, then?

You put a shoelace through the middle of them, and try to break others' nuts. Wow, really? That’s unusual.

Yeah. You’ll have a much better chance of winning if you leave it in vinegar and then heat it in the oven. Seriously?

Seriously. And should you gather an excess, you can hurl them across the playground and all the other kids will fight each other for them. A lovely item from nature like a conker, and you use it as a weapon? A weapon that comes with a lengthy list of complex and confusing guidelines?

That's the custom! The King recently awarded the World Conker Championships with a gift of 300 conkers! At least young people are just recording videos.

Why don’t you know this? At a guess, because certain schools prohibited the game twenty years back, due to various health and safety fears.

Today's society always surprises. Maybe revealing horse chestnuts just doesn't appeal to you. In which case, perhaps you would be better suited to some other popular gen Z trends.

Is that so? Like what? Well, there’s this thing called yarn work, and something else called clay crafting that I can explain to you.

We’ve had knitting and pottery for centuries! Let me guess, you heat tools in apple drink and then use them to poke each other?

No! OK, relax. I assumed that all old-people traditions involved violence in some form, after that conker thing.

This is overwhelming. Take a breath. If you need me, I’ll be unboxing seeds for clicks.

Appropriate comment: “Social media loves showcasing nut discoveries.”

Don’t say: “This is nuts.”